05 – Foul Spirits
Series: Roy Kaplan
Season: Out of Sight
Release Date: February 22, 2025
Episode Summary: There is a new psychic who claims he can call up the dead and knows things only the dead should know, but Kaplan is skeptical. How will this psychic stack up against Kaplan’s real psychic abilities?
PRODUCTION CREDITS:
ORIGINAL SCRIPT: Jesse Peng
EDITING and PRODUCTION: Jesse Peng
COVER ART: Jesse Peng
MUSIC: Beacon
VOICE CAST:
KAPLAN: Jesse Peng
WES: Caleb Jensen
ZAHIR: Melissa Bowens
CHARLESTON: Xander M. Grant
YIN: Wyatt West
NOTION: Zuwie LeFou
PHONE: Rebecca Clifford
A special thank you to our $10/month Patreon subscriber, Jennifer Ford :)
04 – Dead Man’s Safe | Roy Kaplan Home | Out of Sight Home | 06 – Random Access Memory
OUT OF SIGHT: FOUL SPIRITS
INTRO: It’s thrilling, it’s chilling, it’ll take you all the way to the afterlife and back–it’s Roy Kaplan, Private Investigator!
(INTRO THEME.)
KAPLAN: (V.O.) Kaplan speaking. I’d be lying if I said I never thought about making a career out of my psychic powers. It sounds like a good gig on paper–it’s amazing job security, for one. Nobody else is out there talking to ghosts and bending spoons, at least, nobody I know about. Of course, it’s actually a stupid idea. There’s no money in talking to ghosts unless you’re running a con, and if you’re already lying to people, you’re better off going the whole way rather than saying their dead loved ones want them to wash the dishes more often. And also, if you make a job out of talking to ghosts, you become ‘that guy who talks to ghosts’ for the rest of your life. I get enough house calls from the dead without putting up the neon sign. Here’s a tip: anyone who wants your money to talk to ghosts is either stupid or full of crap–there is no amount of money that’s worth dealing with the dead 24/7.
(MUSIC TRANSITION.)
(OUTDOOR CITY AMBIANCE. FOOTSTEPS.)
KAPLAN: Look, Notion. I’m not saying private investigation is a bad job, because it’s better than what I was doing before. But it’s not always reliable, you know? Do you have any idea how many jobs I don’t get paid for?
NOTION: (FILTER) Roy, didn’t you get paid a thousand credits less than a month ago?
KAPLAN: Yeah, that one time! I got paid for maybe four other cases in the last three months! I can live on what I’ve got for a while, but that’s not sustainable. I need a better long-term plan.
NOTION: (FILTER) Not to state the obvious, but have you considered, you know, not taking on jobs for free all the time?
KAPLAN: It’s not my fault half my clients can’t pay. What am I supposed to do, send an invoice to the afterlife?
NOTION: (FILTER) Well, I’m sorry to say I don’t have anything for you right now. I’ll keep an ear to the ground. You know I always do.
KAPLAN: I appreciate it. It’s just, man. For a guy who’s so good at finding things, you’d think I’d be better at finding work.
(FOOTSTEPS.)
ZAHIR: (Clears throat) Um, excuse me?
KAPLAN: Huh? Uh, sorry. Can I help you?
ZAHIR: I couldn’t help but overhear…You said you’re good at finding things. Is that true?
KAPLAN: Yeah, um. One second. (To phone) Notion, something came up. I’ll call you back later.
NOTION: (FILTER) Sounds good. Stop by the shop sometime soon, okay?
(CALL ENDS. KAPLAN PUTS THE PHONE AWAY.)
KAPLAN: All right. Sorry about that. Yeah, I’m a private investigator. If you need something found or something found out, then Roy Kaplan’s the guy for the job. (PAUSE) I’m Kaplan, in case that wasn’t clear.
ZAHIR: Yes, I got that. My name’s Aminah Zahir.
KAPLAN: How do you do, Zahir. You looking for something?
ZAHIR: Yes. I lost a necklace and I need it back.
KAPLAN: Like…here? You dropped it and you can’t find it?
ZAHIR: No, it was in a lockbox in my room. Yesterday, I went to take it out and it was gone. Someone must have stolen it.
KAPLAN: Must be some necklace if you’re willing to ask a random guy on the street for help.
ZAHIR: It was my mother’s before she died. It’s probably over a hundred years old. I have to get it back.
KAPLAN: Oh. Yeah, I could see why someone might want to steal that. Why were you taking out an heirloom necklace in the first place?
ZAHIR: (Embarrassed) I, um. It’s kind of complicated.
KAPLAN: Taking a necklace out is complicated?
ZAHIR: You’re going to laugh at me.
KAPLAN: I don’t know. I’ve heard a lot of weird things since I picked up this investigation job. Whatever you’ve got going on can’t be weirder than whatever I’ve got going on.
ZAHIR: Okay, well, there’s this, um, psychic. He’s been helping me talk to my mother.
KAPLAN: Your deceased mother?
ZAHIR: I knew you weren’t going to believe me. You must think I’m crazy!
KAPLAN: I’m not laughing, am I? So, what? You went to some psychic who can talk to ghosts, and he needs this necklace to do it?
ZAHIR: He needs something valuable belonging to the deceased to contact their spirit. That necklace is the only thing I have.
KAPLAN: Sure, sure. It sounds like you wanted to do another seance with this psychic, then, and that’s when you found the necklace was missing.
ZAHIR: Yes, that’s correct.
KAPLAN: Okay, sounds good.
ZAHIR: Sounds…what?
KAPLAN: I said, sounds good. It’s my job to help people and you need help, so I’ll go track down this necklace of yours.
ZAHIR: You mean, just like that?
KAPLAN: Yeah. That’s what you wanted me to do, right? I’ve got a pretty good idea of what happened, so no point in waiting around here.
ZAHIR: You don’t want to ask more questions or something? You don’t even want to see the box it got broken out of?
KAPLAN: Nah, I don’t need any of that. I’m more interested in this psychic thing. Why don’t we pay him a visit?
(MUSIC TRANSITION.)
(WALKING, THEN STOP.)
KAPLAN: ‘The Marvelous Quentin Charleston. Psychic Consultations’. This is the guy who claims to talk to your dead mother?
ZAHIR: He’s not claiming, he’s doing it for real!
KAPLAN: Okay, so this is the guy who’s definitely for real talking to your dead mother?
ZAHIR: You’re kind of an asshole. Has anyone ever told you that?
KAPLAN: Yeah, I hear that sometimes. Let’s see if your psychic is in right now.
(DOOR OPENS. KAPLAN AND ZAHIR ENTER. DOOR SHUTS.)
KAPLAN: (V.O.) The inside of the shop was about what you’d expect from a guy who makes his living on talking to dead people. It was done up in black and gold and silver. There were strings of crystals hanging down from the ceiling and bookshelves full of ancient-looking books and trinkets. The smell of incense was strong enough to choke. I’ll admit it looked nice–someone had definitely spent a lot of money on it–but I wasn’t impressed. After all, when it comes to psychics, there’s only one thing that really matters.
CHARLESTON: Guests. Welcome to my humble abode.
KAPLAN: Zahir, is this Charleston?
ZAHIR: Yes, he is.
KAPLAN: Hm. I know he’s got the whole mystic psychic thing, but the robes are a bit much. I don’t think he needs to lay it on that thick.
CHARLESTON: (Irritated) Excuse me. Do you require services from beyond the veil?
KAPLAN: I do. The name’s Kaplan. I was looking for someone who could contact a long-lost spirit, but everyone I’ve seen before are fakes and charlatans. My friend Aminah here said that you were the real thing. I thought I’d take a look for myself.
CHARLESTON: You have chosen wisely, sir. I am the only true psychic in this city. I have unlocked the secrets of the spirits and discovered mysteries that no one has ever even conceived of.
KAPLAN: Uh huh. Well, I’ve seen enough. Thanks for your time, but I don’t think you can help me.
ZAHIR: How can you say that? You haven’t even seen what he can do!
KAPLAN: I don’t need to see a seance to know it’s a sham.
CHARLESTON: I am no pretender, sir. I don’t know what other psychics you have attempted to work with, but my powers outstrip all of them by orders of magnitude. I can speak with the dead as easily as the living.
ZAHIR: It’s true! He can tell you things that only a ghost could tell you! He was able to tell me about the places Mama and I went when I was younger. That’s not a cold read, that’s real!
KAPLAN: Uh huh.
CHARLESTON: I sense your skepticism.
KAPLAN: Not a hard thing to sense, I gotta say.
CHARLESTON: Perhaps a demonstration of my powers would convince you. A brief psychic consultation, free of charge. Then you can judge for yourself if I am as fake as you claim.
KAPLAN: A free session? I do like the sound of that. What do you need?
CHARLESTON: A memento of the deceased. Something valuable.
KAPLAN: Hm. I don’t have anything like that with me. How about I come back tomorrow and you can try calling up my ghost?
CHARLESTON: There is no ‘try’ about it. With the proper materials, there is no ghost beyond my reach.
KAPLAN: I see. I’ll keep that in mind. See you tomorrow, Charleston.
(MUSIC TRANSITION.)
KAPLAN: (V.O.) Here’s the thing about ghosts: news travels fast in the afterlife because when you’ve got nothing better to do than stick around and peoplewatch, gossip gets around. If the slightest word gets out that there’s a psychic who can hear and talk to dead people? Ghosts will find them. I’ve done a pretty good job of keeping ghosts out of my apartment so I can get some privacy, but the second I’m out of doors? All bets are off. If you want to live your life, you have to learn to ignore ghosts fast. This Charleston guy? He didn’t have a single ghost hanging around. Not on him, not outside his shop. He couldn’t see a damn thing and all the ghosts knew it.
(FOOTSTEPS.)
KAPLAN: (V.O.) I don’t like psychic scams. It’s one thing for me to break into someone’s house and steal some valuables, but taking advantage of people who are grieving and squeezing them for cash? That’s just low. There’s not a lot I can do about these scams in most cases–it’s not like I can report them to law enforcement because as far as they’re concerned, if you give someone money to talk to ghosts, you’re getting what you paid for. But this stolen necklace business, that was something else. That was someone getting greedy, and if Charleston thought he wanted to play some dirty tricks? Well, I was fine playing one right back.
WES: Roy. I understand there’s some phony psychic chiseler business going on. But why do I have to come with?
KAPLAN: Well, Wes, you can’t have a seance without a ghost, can you? I don’t think one’s scheduled to show up, so I’ve got to bring my own!
WES: This is embarrassing.
KAPLAN: Don’t be like that. It’ll be fun!
WES: Is this about me bringing a ghost into the apartment last month? I already apologized for that.
KAPLAN: Maybe a little bit. Here it is. Isn’t it the tackiest thing you’ve ever seen?
WES: Hm. You’d think this psychic racket would get some more taste over the centuries.
KAPLAN: Unfortunately not.
(KAPLAN ENTERS THE SHOP.)
KAPLAN: Good afternoon, Charleston. Lovely day we’re having. I’m sure you’ve had plenty of time to prepare.
CHARLESTON: Mr. Roy Kaplan. It’s good to see you, sir. Let’s begin the session. Just through here to the back room, if you will.
KAPLAN: Of course.
WES: Roy, if you get kidnapped, I’m not helping you.
KAPLAN: (Aside) Oh, lighten up.
CHARLESTON: Pardon?
KAPLAN: I was saying this place could use some light. I can hardly see back here.
CHARLESTON: (Laughs) Well, ghosts don’t like to appear in broad daylight. The darkness is conducive to communing with the afterlife. Here, take a seat.
(KAPLAN SITS.)
KAPLAN: Sure, sure. And you said that you can summon any ghost at all, as long as you have an item from them?
CHARLESTON: Yes. My psychic powers are without compare. No ghost is too difficult for me to handle.
KAPLAN: Then you’ll have no trouble at all with this, of course.
WES: I wouldn’t be too sure about that.
(CHARLESTON SITS.)
CHARLESTON: Very well. Let’s begin. What object have you brought for me?
KAPLAN: Here.
(KAPLAN SETS AN OBJECT ON THE TABLE.)
CHARLESTON: Is that…is that a gun?
KAPLAN: It’s an antique Smith and Wesson revolver, smithed in the early 1900s. It isn’t functional anymore, and you can see there’s no bullets in it.
CHARLESTON: I see. How did you…acquire a specimen like this?
KAPLAN: I’m friends with a collector. You might have heard of him–Walter Knightsbridge. He’s in the process of moving a lot of antiques, and I asked if I could borrow this. It’s very valuable, so I’ll be returning it tomorrow.
CHARLESTON: Knightsbridge? Yes…I heard about that. Very affluent family.
(CHARLESTON PICKS UP THE GUN.)
CHARLESTON: This is a beautiful piece. So do you wish for me to summon the late Oswald Knightsbridge?
KAPLAN: Oh, no. That would be too easy for such a powerful psychic like yourself. I’d like you to summon the ghost who originally owned this revolver.
CHARLESTON: (Starting to realize he’s in over his head) I…Pardon?
KAPLAN: Their name is Wes. They were a veteran in World War II, and eventually died in 1947. They were American.
CHARLESTON: …American?
KAPLAN: Yeah, that’s what they were called in the twentieth century. Is that all? Or do you need more information?
CHARLESTON: I…no. This will be enough. It may be difficult, but I will attempt to summon your ghost.
KAPLAN: Of course! For your amazing and definitely real psychic powers, you shouldn’t have any issues at all.
CHARLESTON: Yes. Of course. I will begin the seance.
(CHARLESTON SETS THE GUN DOWN. LIGHTER CLICK.)
CHARLESTON: We’ll begin by lighting incense. Contacting ghosts requires the appropriate decorum. They will only show if they appreciate the atmosphere.
KAPLAN: In my experience, ghosts do whatever they want, whether you like it or not.
CHARLESTON: Well, you are not a powerful psychic like myself. If you applied yourself to the spiritual arts, perhaps you would be able to glimpse the other side more clearly.
WES: Who does this bird think he is? He ought to see a doctor for that third eye of his, and someone for that personality, too.
KAPLAN: I’ll take that under advisement.
CHARLESTON: Now you will lay your hands flat on the table and close your eyes. I will begin the summoning now.
KAPLAN: Sure thing.
(CHARLESTON SITS.)
CHARLESTON: O venerable spirits of the afterworld, I, the great Quentin Charleston, call upon thee. A member of the living, Roy Kaplan, wishes to commune with one of your number. With the talisman that lies before me, I reach into the underworld and summon the soul who once owned this revolver.
WES: Roy, I hope you know that if this was my actual revolver I would be extremely upset right now.
KAPLAN: Shh, it’s starting.
CHARLESTON: Please do not speak–the spirits must hear my voice uninterrupted. (Clears throat.) To the afterworld, I call thee! Spirits, hear my words and answer! From death, I summon you now to the world of the living, Wes!
WES: This is so embarrassing. I can’t believe you dragged me into this.
CHARLESTON: The spirit is making their way to us now. I can sense them approaching swiftly from the afterlife.
KAPLAN: Yes, I can practically hear them in the room now. You must be a really great psychic to summon them so fast.
CHARLESTON: Uh, yes, of course. They’ve arrived much more quickly than I expected. To the spirit who stands here before us, please speak now to these humble souls.
WES: Tell Roy he can do this alone next time. This is ridiculous.
CHARLESTON: The spirit inquires to who has summoned them from the deep underworld. Speak your piece now, sir.
KAPLAN: Hello, Wes. My name’s Roy Kaplan. I’d like to ask a few questions about you.
WES: Shove off, Roy.
CHARLESTON: The spirit agrees to speak. I will allow the spirit to possess me, and to use my voice as their own.
KAPLAN: Really? I’m excited to hear what this American veteran sounds like.
CHARLESTON: …Yes. For a ghost this old, I will not be able to hold the connection for long, so ask your most important questions first.
KAPLAN: Sure, sure.
CHARLESTON: The ghost is here now, it’s–
(CHARLESTON PRETENDS TO BECOME POSSESSED.)
CHARLESTON: (The worst American accent you’ve ever heard in your life) Howdy, my name’s Wes, you wanted to talk?
KAPLAN: (Laughs, turns it into a cough)
CHARLESTON: Woah, there, you doing okay?
WES: (Offended) I don’t sound like that.
KAPLAN: Yeah, I’m fine, just a cough. Flares up now and then. (Coughs) It’s a pleasure to talk to you, Wes. We don’t have much time, so let me start by asking: Where in America were you from?
WES: I was born in Delaware.
CHARLESTON: I came from…New…Frangeles.
WES: (Offended) You think I’m from the west coast?
KAPLAN: Thank you. And if you don’t mind me asking, how did you die?
WES: I caught a bad case of pneumonia. We didn’t have all your fancy inoculations and medicines back then.
CHARLESTON: I was shot in the Great War. My fellow soldiers tried to rescue me but they failed. I died with this revolver in my hand.
WES: What? What kind of soldier has a revolver as a service weapon, are you stupid?
KAPLAN: Cut him a little slack, Wes. He’s trying his best.
CHARLESTON: (Slightly breaking character) I…what?
KAPLAN: Nothing. Can you tell me more about your life in, uh, New Frangeles? What did you do before you went to war?
CHARLESTON: I was a, um, alchemist.
WES: I was what?
KAPLAN: Wow, an alchemist! Really!
CHARLESTON: Yes, I would ride my horse five kilometers every day to my shop where I would make potions and bleed people out to cure their viruses.
KAPLAN: Oh, and you know what a virus is?
CHARLESTON: Yes, I was a very accomplished alchemist. We used a machine to create potions, and since electricity didn’t exist, it had to be cranked by hand.
WES: Why do all you people think electricity didn’t exist in 1940? Hm?
KAPLAN: Fascinating. And what kinds of food did you eat?
WES: My family had a great roast beef recipe we ate a lot–until the 30s, anyways. I tried making it a few times on my own, but it never tasted quite the same. Nobody makes that kind of thing anymore.
CHARLESTON: Every day I would eat three hot dogs. And fried fish.
WES: Excuse me?
CHARLESTON: We would put vegetables into gelatin and serve enormous mounds at dinner. Just mmm. Delicious.
WES: Those didn’t happen until the 50s. I had no part in that.
CHARLESTON: Once, I even ate an entire cow.
WES: I’m sorry, have you ever even seen how big a cow is?
KAPLAN: Wow. I never knew that’s what the 1900s were like. Thank you, Wes.
CHARLESTON: Sure thing, partner. And, uh, woah, looks like my time is up. It was good talking to you, Roy.
KAPLAN: Of course.
(CHARLESTON PRETENDS TO BE UNPOSSESSED.)
CHARLESTON: The spirit has returned to their place in the afterlife. I hope you are satisfied with your answers.
KAPLAN: Yes, I enjoyed them very much. Have you ever done much reading about 20th century history, Charleston?
CHARLESTON: It’s, uh, not one of my primary interests.
KAPLAN: I could tell. Thank you for the session. I’ll be taking this revolver back–I have to return it tomorrow.
CHARLESTON: I see. And are you convinced of my powers now?
KAPLAN: I understand how you make your business. Maybe you’ll see me again sometime soon.
CHARLESTON: Very good. I’ll show you out, sir.
(FOOTSTEPS. DOOR SHUTS.)
WES: I hope you learned whatever you needed from that, because I’m not going back in there. I don’t care what you say.
KAPLAN: Wes, dear, don’t be cranky. Didn’t you have fun?
WES: I did not have fun. That was humiliating.
KAPLAN: Well, I had fun.
WES: What did you possibly learn from that nonsense?
KAPLAN: Oh, nothing. I just needed him to handle the revolver. Everything after that was just because I could.
WES: What? You made me sit through that for no reason?
KAPLAN: I told you, it wasn’t for no reason. It was because I thought it would be funny.
WES: I can’t believe you.
KAPLAN: So we both learned things today. I won’t take you to seances and you won’t bring ghosts into the apartment, okay?
WES: I’m sorry, all right?
KAPLAN: Apology accepted. Just so long as you know now.
(KAPLAN AND WES WALKING.)
WES: Where are we going? This isn’t the way home.
KAPLAN: Of course it isn’t. I’m not an idiot. We’re going to the office to lock this revolver up, and then we’re going home to wait and see what happens.
WES: How long will we have to wait?
KAPLAN: I don’t know. I’m betting it’ll be a late night. Maybe to pass the time you can teach me all about your, uh, alchemical potions, huh?
WES: One of these days, I’m going to strangle you.
KAPLAN: Aw, don’t be like that, Wes. You know you love me.
(MUSIC TRANSITION.)
KAPLAN: (V.O.) I have a lockbox in my office that I reserve for certain situations. It’s not really a special lockbox–it’s a model that was pretty popular about six years ago that’s got a good deadbolt and an electronic lock. It’s a good model by most standards, and it’ll protect your belongings from an amateur burglar, but there’s an exploit where if you have the right kind of electronic jammer, the lock shorts and you can open it right up. Any career burglar in the last five years worth their grappling hook has one of these jammers as part of their standard kit. This lockbox won’t keep your belongings safe, but it’s perfect…as bait.
(KAPLAN DEPOSITS REVOLVER INSIDE THE LOCKBOX. LOCK BEEPS.)
KAPLAN: (V.O.) One thing people don’t realize about burglary is that the actual breaking and entering part is just the endgame. Before you break a single lock, you need to know what you’re stealing and where you’re stealing it from. Sometimes you can find that out by working up a target or you can do some research. But for the kinds of valuables that people like to hide away, the easiest way to get that information is to trick people into bringing those valuables out. I’ve seen a lot of versions of this grift–galleries, insurance scams, appraisals, and now this phony psychic business. All you need is to get the object in your hands, and you can put a location tracker on it so that when your mark eventually takes it home and puts it back in their safe, you know exactly where it is. Most people only keep one safe, so if you find it and break it open, you’re not just getting that item you tagged, you’re getting everything. It’s a pretty good trick, but if burglars can do it to you…
(BEEPING.)
DEVICE: (FILTER) Transit detected.
KAPLAN: (V.O.) You can do it to them.
WES: Looks like someone took the bait.
KAPLAN: Yeah. I was worried they might not go for it this early, because usually they like to wait a few months before actually hitting the place.
WES: That’s why you made such a big deal about having to return it to Knightsbridge?
KAPLAN: That’s right. And Charleston probably hates my guts, so I bet he was excited to screw me over.
WES: Who wouldn’t be, after dealing with you? Does this mean you’re going after it? It’s three in the morning.
KAPLAN: For sure. The sooner I follow up, the better. Look, I even dug out my old mask.
(DIGITAL MASK ACTIVATES.)
KAPLAN: Remember this face? I used to wear this one back before I quit. The flicker on this model gets kind of annoying, though.
WES: I like the new face more than the old one. The eyes give me a creepy feeling.
KAPLAN: Yeah, I know what you mean.
(DIGITAL MASK DEACTIVATES. KAPLAN GRABS HIS BAG.)
KAPLAN: I’m ready to go. See you later, Wes.
(MUSIC TRANSITION.)
KAPLAN: (V.O.) The tracker took me to a small store around the inner city border, not too far from the river. The lights were down and the building was locked up tight, but that didn’t matter to me. I let myself in.
(DOOR UNLOCKS. FOOTSTEPS.)
KAPLAN: (V.O.) The store itself didn’t have anything exciting. Little figurines and trinkets, mostly. The kind of thing that could justify a decent amount of storage space in the back, but didn’t need to be moved around much. They had a security door on the storage room with a heavy mechanical lock–no risk of fail secure and losing access to all your hard-earned goods. It was a good lock–if I was making a vault, I probably would have picked a similar one. No easy way to access the internal mechanism. Rated safe against picks and drills. But there’s no such thing as a lock that’s rated safe against me.
(LOCK UNLATCH. HEAVY DOOR OPENS.)
YIN: What the hell?
(BRIEF ATTACK AND COUNTERATTACK, PINNED DOWN.)
KAPLAN: Good morning! You really shouldn’t attack someone first thing when they come in the door. That’s rude.
YIN: Wait. I know your voice…Scarlet?
KAPLAN: That’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time. You’re…Yin, aren’t you? I haven’t seen you in ages.
YIN: Maybe five years now. How did you find this place?
KAPLAN: How do you think? I laid a trap, and you sprung it.
YIN: That gun was yours? How in the hell did you get a gun?
KAPLAN: This thing? No, this is fake. It’s not a very good one, either–my friend put it together on short notice, but hey. It worked, didn’t it? Here, I’ll help you up. Just don’t attack me again.
(KAPLAN LETS YIN UP.)
YIN: Thanks. What are you doing here? Word was the phantom retired.
KAPLAN: Are people still calling me that? That’s embarrassing.
YIN: If you didn’t want a nickname you shouldn’t have spent so much time showing off your lock cracking skills. Are you retired or have you been laying low?
KAPLAN: I did retire, but you know what they say. Once a thief, always a thief.
YIN: So you’re trying to steal someone else’s stash? I thought you were better than that.
KAPLAN: Ah, it’s nothing like that. A client of mine had something stolen. I’m just getting it back for her.
YIN: A client? Since when are you a thief for hire?
KAPLAN: No, I don’t steal for profit these days. I’m surprised to see you working for a scammer.
YIN: And so what if I am? Don’t tell me a psychic scam is where you draw the line.
KAPLAN: Yeah, actually, I do draw the line at taking advantage of people who are grieving the death of their loved ones.
YIN: What, you think you can claim some kind of moral high ground? I know the cons you used to run. You’re no saint.
KAPLAN: I never said I was. But everyone draws their lines somewhere, and this is mine. I’m putting Charleston out of work. You’ll have to pick up a new gig. If you grab what you can carry and get out of here, you’ll make a clean getaway. That’s all I can offer.
YIN: What? You’re going to waste all this? This is months of work!
KAPLAN: If Charleston wanted the money, he should have shifted the goods instead of hoarding it like this. I bet it’s too hard to sell, though. Too distinct to pawn off–you could have told him that would happen.
YIN: If he wants to play with thieves he can learn the lessons for himself.
KAPLAN: Yeah. But I bet he paid you well, though, so no major loss to you.
(PHONE VIBRATE. KAPLAN CHECKS IT, CANCELS THE CALL.)
KAPLAN: That’s my associate. You ought to get out now before law enforcement shows up.
YIN: I always knew you were more trouble than you were worth.
KAPLAN: Well, I could have told you that much. It was good seeing you all the same, Yin.
YIN: You’re a bastard, Scarlet.
KAPLAN: Sorry. See you around?
(YIN EXITS. DOOR SLAMS SHUT.)
KAPLAN: …Or not.
KAPLAN: (V.O.) Yin left without so much as a backwards glance. I didn’t feel too bad about it. You don’t make a lot of friends in the burglary business, even when you do collaborate with someone. Just too much backstabbing all around.
(KAPLAN SIGHS AND SITS DOWN. DIALS A NUMBER ON PHONE.)
KAPLAN: Hey, Inspector. Sorry I missed your call earlier. The stolen goods are all here, and it’s…it’s a lot more than I expected. I’ll need some help getting all this back to their owners…
(MUSIC TRANSITION.)
(DOOR OPENS. FOOTSTEPS.)
ZAHIR: Mr. Kaplan?
KAPLAN: (Tired) Hey, Zahir. Good afternoon.
ZAHIR: Are you okay? You look kind of tired.
KAPLAN: I’m fine. I was up late, that’s all.
ZAHIR: You wanted to talk to me?
KAPLAN: Yeah. Take a seat. I didn’t buy these office chairs for nothing.
(ZAHIR SITS.)
ZAHIR: What’s going on? Did something happen?
KAPLAN: Here.
(KAPLAN PULLS OUT NECKLACE.)
ZAHIR: That’s…Mama’s necklace!
(ZAHIR TAKES NECKLACE.)
ZAHIR: Thank you so much, Mr. Kaplan. Where was it?
KAPLAN: Charleston hired a burglar to steal it from you.
ZAHIR: What? No, that can’t be right! He was using it to speak to Mama’s ghost!
KAPLAN: Zahir. He was lying to you. He’s a conman. All those things he knew about you and your childhood? He looked you and your mother up and probably went through your baby pictures so he could sell the story. It’s really easy to find that kind of information if you know where to look. Believe me–I’m an investigator.
ZAHIR: (Upset) But Mama said that she was proud of me, and that she was sorry for leaving me the way she did, and you mean that’s all…all a lie?
KAPLAN: Yes, that was all Charleston. I’m sorry.
ZAHIR: Then…what am I supposed to do now?
KAPLAN: I don’t know. Spend some time with people who care about you. Figure out what you need to do next. Just don’t pay anyone else to talk to your mother’s ghost–nobody who wants money to talk to ghosts is a real psychic.
ZAHIR: You must think I’m stupid for believing in all this. Ghosts and the afterlife and psychics…
KAPLAN: I didn’t say that. I don’t blame you for wanting to talk to someone who’s passed–a lot of people do. I know grieving is hard, and I’m sorry for your loss–I’ve been there myself, and it’s rough. It gets better, I promise.
ZAHIR: Okay. I’m just…I don’t…I don’t know.
KAPLAN: Take your time. Do you want a glass of water or something?
ZAHIR: No. I should go. I’ve caused enough trouble. Thanks for finding my mother’s necklace.
KAPLAN: Yeah. Just take good care of it now, because next time I might not be able to get it back.
(ZAHIR EXITS.)
WES: Is that okay, Roy?
KAPLAN: Wes. What do you mean?
WES: I did a little asking around. That girl’s mother hasn’t passed over yet. Charleston couldn’t talk to her, but…
KAPLAN: What? No, I’m not a medium. I don’t do that kind of thing.
WES: She was really upset. You don’t feel like a heel, leaving her like that?
KAPLAN: This isn’t about me, Wes. I literally just told her that anyone who offers is scamming her. How much of a mixed signal could you possibly get?
WES: Well, I think if the girl’s mother has stayed around this long, there’s something she wants to say. The girl deserves to know what it is.
KAPLAN: I found her necklace. That’s what she wanted.
WES: She wants to be at peace about her mother’s death and you know it. Being able to speak with her mother won’t solve that, but it’ll help. You’re the only one here who can.
KAPLAN: I…Ugh.
(KAPLAN GOES TO THE DOOR.)
KAPLAN: (OFF) Zahir? Zahir, wait up. I’ve got something else I need to tell you.
(FOOTSTEPS TRAILING OFF.)
KAPLAN: (V.O.) I won’t talk about that part–Zahir deserves at least that much privacy. I don’t know how much it helped, or if it did at all, but Zahir’s mother was satisfied enough to finally pass on. It was good to see her off–she seemed like a nice lady. Zahir tried to pay me, but I said no. It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth to take money when it comes to the dead. A few days later, Charleston’s arrest hit the telecast. It was a big story, if only for the number of people he’d scammed out of their valuables. Fletcher kept my name out of it like I asked her to–nothing good has ever come out of associating with psychics, even fake ones. Charleston’s fall from grace ended up scaring off a lot of other psychic scammers, too, so even though I didn’t get paid, I think that counted as a good day’s work.
(ENDING THEME.)
OUTRO: You’ve just heard Foul Spirits, the fifth episode of Roy Kaplan: Out of Sight. Kaplan was played by Jesse Peng, Wes by Caleb Jensen. Our cast also includes Melissa Bowens, Xander M. Grant, Wyatt West, and Zuwie LeFou.
Roy Kaplan is written, edited, and produced by Jesse Peng. Our music is composed by Beacon.
This show is brought to you by The Pinwheel Lab. If you like what you hear, you can find us over at roykaplanpod on Tumblr, or on thepinwheellab.com. If you really like what you hear, you can also support us on Patreon, where you can hear the next episode a little sooner than everyone else. All financial support goes to production, and helps make Season 2 more likely to happen.
Is there any kind of danger that’s too hot for this detective to handle? Tune in next time to find out, and I’ll see you on the other side.
04 – Foul Spirits | Roy Kaplan Home | Out of Sight Home | 06 – Random Access Memory